1
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,608
<i>There's no word
to describe the feeling of waking up</i>

2
00:01:18,692 --> 00:01:21,733
<i>and knowing instantly
that something is terribly wrong.</i>

3
00:01:21,817 --> 00:01:24,275
<i>If there were, the Baudelaires
would have used that word</i>

4
00:01:24,358 --> 00:01:26,817
<i>when they rose to find
dawn had awoken them,</i>

5
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:28,775
<i>and their Uncle Monty had not.</i>

6
00:01:43,650 --> 00:01:45,942
- Uncle Monty?
- Monty?

7
00:01:53,692 --> 00:01:55,567
- Uncle Monty?
- Are you in here?

8
00:02:06,650 --> 00:02:09,108
We all know that
our time in this world is limited,

9
00:02:09,192 --> 00:02:12,025
and that eventually all of us
will go to sleep, never to wake up.

10
00:02:18,108 --> 00:02:19,108
Monty...

11
00:02:19,192 --> 00:02:21,733
But that didn't change
how the Baudelaires felt that morning

12
00:02:21,817 --> 00:02:25,025
in the room their uncle
had filled so carefully with specimens,

13
00:02:25,108 --> 00:02:28,900
and in which he was now
a sort of specimen himself.

14
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,483
How could this happen?

15
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,608
We know exactly how this happened.

16
00:02:33,567 --> 00:02:38,025
My, my, my, my, my.

17
00:02:38,108 --> 00:02:42,983
What a terrible accident.
Whoever discovers this will be very upset.

18
00:02:43,483 --> 00:02:46,858
"For in that sleep of death
what dreams may come."

19
00:02:46,942 --> 00:02:48,150
You murdered him.

20
00:02:48,233 --> 00:02:51,108
Why, Klaus, I'm surprised.

21
00:02:51,192 --> 00:02:54,775
A smarty-pants boy like you
ought to be able to figure out that

22
00:02:54,858 --> 00:02:59,400
jolly old Uncle Monty died
from a snakebite, not murder.

23
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,567
Look at the teeth marks on his cheek.

24
00:03:01,650 --> 00:03:05,733
Look at his cold, waxy face.

25
00:03:05,817 --> 00:03:07,983
- Look at his unblinking eyes.
- Stop it!

26
00:03:08,067 --> 00:03:09,567
Stop talking like that.

27
00:03:09,650 --> 00:03:12,525
You're right.
There's no time for chitchat.

28
00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:13,817
We have a ship to catch

29
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:17,067
and I'd like to board in time
to have a bottle of wine before lunch.

30
00:03:18,817 --> 00:03:21,567
Peru. We're going to Peru.

31
00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:23,775
We wouldn't go
to the end of the driveway with you,

32
00:03:23,858 --> 00:03:25,858
much less international waters.

33
00:03:25,942 --> 00:03:29,608
Well, then I guess I'll have to
take my own luggage.

34
00:03:34,192 --> 00:03:35,567
Sunny!

35
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:38,192
- Let her out this instant.
- She won't be able to breathe.

36
00:03:38,275 --> 00:03:40,192
I'm so tired of having to explain
everything to you.

37
00:03:40,275 --> 00:03:41,733
You're supposed to be so smart,

38
00:03:41,817 --> 00:03:44,442
and yet you persistently seem
to forget about this.

39
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,317
I'll leave some breathing holes for her.

40
00:03:49,817 --> 00:03:50,942
- No!
- Stop!

41
00:03:51,025 --> 00:03:54,442
I'm kidding. That's not
the suitcase she's in. I don't think.

42
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:55,942
Please don't hurt her.

43
00:03:56,025 --> 00:03:58,442
Then get in the car.

44
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,525
Really, there's no one to blame
but yourselves.

45
00:04:14,608 --> 00:04:16,817
If you hadn't stranded me at the movies,

46
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,442
I wouldn't have had to kill Monty
and we'd all be on our way to Peru,

47
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,525
where I would have had to kill Monty.

48
00:04:21,608 --> 00:04:23,692
God, I hate driving stick.

49
00:04:23,775 --> 00:04:25,150
You're just gonna leave him there?

50
00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:27,150
Trust me, he doesn't mind.

51
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:30,858
Of course, after they discover he's dead,
you'll be long gone,

52
00:04:30,942 --> 00:04:34,608
and I'll be taking advantage of
Peru's extremely lax guardianship laws.

53
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:37,067
Why won't...
There we go.

54
00:04:40,150 --> 00:04:41,650
You can't take us out of the country.

55
00:04:42,358 --> 00:04:43,358
Can he?

56
00:04:43,942 --> 00:04:46,150
And who's going to stop me?

57
00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:48,567
Look out!

58
00:04:58,858 --> 00:05:02,275
It's extremely rare for an accident
to be a fortunate event.

59
00:05:02,358 --> 00:05:03,900
Luckily for the Baudelaires...

60
00:05:03,983 --> 00:05:07,067
Blasted furnaces of hell!

61
00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:09,817
<i>...this was one of those times.</i>

62
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,025
What were you thinking,

63
00:05:11,108 --> 00:05:13,108
careening down that driveway
like a maniac?

64
00:05:13,192 --> 00:05:15,108
Me?
I was driving well below the speed limit.

65
00:05:15,192 --> 00:05:17,067
- Mr. Poe.
- Violet Baudelaire?

66
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,233
- I'm so grateful you ran into us.
- Well, I wouldn't say that.

67
00:05:19,317 --> 00:05:21,108
It was clearly the fault
of the other driver.

68
00:05:21,192 --> 00:05:23,942
I never...

69
00:05:24,025 --> 00:05:26,817
I thought there were three of you.
Ah, there's the baby.

70
00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:28,317
You're not Dr. Montgomery.

71
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,150
My spleen!

72
00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:35,067
I think you've ruptured him.

73
00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:40,817
Hello, my name is Stephano.

74
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:44,275
I'm Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's
new assistant.

75
00:05:44,358 --> 00:05:48,275
I mean, I was. I mean...
I don't know how to say it.

76
00:05:48,358 --> 00:05:50,317
- Uncle Monty's dead.
- That's how to say it.

77
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,650
He's dead? But that... That's terrible.
How did it happen?

78
00:05:53,733 --> 00:05:55,358
He was bitten by a snake.

79
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,900
I was on my way now to get the coroner.

80
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,942
The children were too hysterical
to be left here alone.

81
00:06:00,025 --> 00:06:02,608
He wasn't taking us to a coroner.
He was taking us to Peru.

82
00:06:02,692 --> 00:06:05,650
What? Wha...? See? Hysterical.

83
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:10,025
No, the children must be confused.
Dr. Montgomery was taking them to Peru.

84
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:12,942
Last night he called me
to insist on me rearranging

85
00:06:13,025 --> 00:06:15,983
my morning itinerary
to bring them these passports.

86
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,442
He'd want me to have them.

87
00:06:17,525 --> 00:06:20,067
Can't you see, Mr. Poe?
That's Count Olaf.

88
00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:22,400
He's in disguise
and he's trying to take us away.

89
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,900
Who am I? What am I doing?

90
00:06:24,983 --> 00:06:28,275
Don't you miss
the vivid imagination of childhood?

91
00:06:28,358 --> 00:06:31,150
- I never had one.
- An imagination or a childhood?

92
00:06:32,858 --> 00:06:35,442
Children, you must be very distraught
about losing your uncle.

93
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:39,567
Count Olaf is a terrible man
who tried to steal their fortune.

94
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:40,858
- Really?
- Yes.

95
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,942
And do I look
anything like this Count Olaf?

96
00:06:43,025 --> 00:06:44,525
No, you don't.

97
00:06:44,608 --> 00:06:47,483
Count Olaf has one long eyebrow
and he has a very short beard.

98
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,067
You have a very long beard,

99
00:06:49,150 --> 00:06:51,775
and I hope you don't mind me saying so,
no eyebrows at all.

100
00:06:51,858 --> 00:06:54,442
- He shaved his eyebrow.
- And he let his beard grow.

101
00:06:54,525 --> 00:06:56,525
Can't you see? Anyone could see that.

102
00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:00,650
Sunny's right.

103
00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:04,150
Count Olaf has a tattoo on his left ankle.
It looks like an eye.

104
00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:05,900
sighs

105
00:07:05,983 --> 00:07:07,567
I hate to trouble you, sir,

106
00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:09,483
but just to put
the children's minds at ease,

107
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:14,192
would you be so kind as to
show us your ankle?

108
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,067
I'd be happy to.

109
00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,067
My apologies, Mr. Stephano.

110
00:07:55,817 --> 00:07:57,483
It's no problem.

111
00:07:57,567 --> 00:08:01,233
As long as the vehicle is operational,
then we really must be going.

112
00:08:01,317 --> 00:08:02,400
- No.
- No.

113
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:03,775
- No?
- No.

114
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,358
None of us are going anywhere
until the police have been called.

115
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,317
Oh, come on, man.
It's just a fender bender.

116
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,900
About Dr. Montgomery.

117
00:08:11,317 --> 00:08:13,317
What a sensible idea.

118
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,900
It's quite urgent.

119
00:08:14,983 --> 00:08:18,192
First name, Montgomery.
Last name, Montgomery.

120
00:08:18,275 --> 00:08:21,567
No, this isn't a prank call.
Hello? Hello?

121
00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:24,317
I don't care if you have
an audition for <i>Equus.</i>

122
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,192
Get over here now!

123
00:08:26,275 --> 00:08:28,150
I don't understand
how he got rid of his tattoo.

124
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:33,775
Good news, I managed to get through
to the local sheriff's department.

125
00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:35,317
It seems there's an escaped cow

126
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,233
from a local dairy farm
giving them the runaround,

127
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,400
but they assured me they'll send someone
as soon as they're able.

128
00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:52,525
They must have made quick work
of that cow.

129
00:09:00,942 --> 00:09:02,400
May I help you, ma'am?

130
00:09:03,108 --> 00:09:04,692
Sir. Uh.

131
00:09:04,775 --> 00:09:06,025
I'm Nurse Lucafont.

132
00:09:06,108 --> 00:09:07,733
Nurse Lucafont.

133
00:09:07,817 --> 00:09:11,858
From the local sheriff's department's
medical examiner's office?

134
00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,483
From the local...

135
00:09:15,692 --> 00:09:20,025
I hear there's been
a terrible accident involving a snake.

136
00:09:20,108 --> 00:09:22,650
That was fast.
I only just now made the call.

137
00:09:22,733 --> 00:09:24,275
I believe, uh...

138
00:09:25,108 --> 00:09:28,942
speed is of the essence
in an emergency, sir.

139
00:09:31,817 --> 00:09:33,400
Could I get a cup of coffee?

140
00:09:34,817 --> 00:09:37,150
Don't you want to examine the body?

141
00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:39,317
Right, the body.
Lead the way.

142
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,400
It's right over here in the Reptile Room.

143
00:09:46,317 --> 00:09:49,733
Excuse me, but why
are you wearing that mask over your face?

144
00:09:49,817 --> 00:09:53,733
I heard there were reptiles.
They... they might be contagious.

145
00:09:53,817 --> 00:09:57,692
Reptiles aren't contagious.
Are you sure you're a qualified nurse?

146
00:09:57,775 --> 00:09:59,733
Maybe the children should wait outside.

147
00:09:59,817 --> 00:10:02,942
Being in a room with a dead body
could be very traumatic.

148
00:10:03,025 --> 00:10:05,900
We've already been in a room
with a dead body thanks to you.

149
00:10:05,983 --> 00:10:08,692
Oh, yes, thank you, Stephano,
for that excellent point.

150
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:12,400
I must say, you show genuine compassion
for these children.

151
00:10:12,483 --> 00:10:13,692
I appreciate it.

152
00:10:14,358 --> 00:10:16,567
Perhaps I will wait out here
with the children

153
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,233
while you and Nurse Lucafont go in
and examine the body.

154
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:20,483
The body?

155
00:10:21,442 --> 00:10:25,900
Ah, yes, perhaps we should both wait
with the children.

156
00:10:25,983 --> 00:10:28,233
I wouldn't want Nurse Lucafont
to be alone.

157
00:10:28,317 --> 00:10:31,942
Oh, I'm sure a nurse has seen
plenty of dead bodies.

158
00:10:32,025 --> 00:10:34,317
Maybe I can wait with the children, too.

159
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,608
Well, that won't work.
Who will perform the examination?

160
00:10:36,692 --> 00:10:39,067
Why don't Klaus, Sunny and I
wait with Mr. Poe,

161
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:42,108
while Stephano goes with Nurse Lucafont
to examine the body?

162
00:10:43,025 --> 00:10:45,358
No, child, please.

163
00:10:45,442 --> 00:10:51,150
If I were standing closer to you...
I would slap you in the throat.

164
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,817
That does sound like the best plan.

165
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:55,650
Fine. Right this way, nurse.

166
00:10:57,567 --> 00:11:02,692
But remember, I will be just
on the other side of this door.

167
00:11:05,275 --> 00:11:06,983
Oh, I'm sorry, children.

168
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,608
Dr. Montgomery did seem like
an appropriate guardian for you.

169
00:11:10,692 --> 00:11:15,942
He was more than that.
He was much, much more than appropriate.

170
00:11:17,233 --> 00:11:20,900
Please don't let him be our new guardian.

171
00:11:20,983 --> 00:11:23,150
Oh, don't be silly, children.

172
00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:25,775
It is quite shocking
that Dr. Montgomery has died,

173
00:11:25,858 --> 00:11:30,150
but I'm not going to simply just hand you
and your fortune over to his assistant.

174
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,192
Not without some very thorough paperwork.

175
00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:44,567
What's happened?
What's wrong?

176
00:11:44,650 --> 00:11:47,067
Nurse Lucafont was startled by a lizard.

177
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:50,817
- It's a reptile room.
- I didn't know that meant literally.

178
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:55,858
Anyway, you've come just in time.
The nurse has just finished her autopsy.

179
00:11:55,942 --> 00:11:58,483
- Did you determine the cause of death?
- Snakebite.

180
00:11:58,567 --> 00:11:59,900
Are you sure?

181
00:11:59,983 --> 00:12:03,608
Uh, two bite marks on his cheek.
Only a snake could've done that.

182
00:12:03,692 --> 00:12:06,900
- How terribly tragic. Case closed.
- But Uncle Monty is...

183
00:12:06,983 --> 00:12:09,400
was one of the world's
leading herpetologists.

184
00:12:09,483 --> 00:12:11,858
He would know better than
to let a dangerous snake bite him.

185
00:12:11,942 --> 00:12:13,608
I tested his blood.

186
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:19,400
In his veins, I found the venom of one
of the most dangerous snakes in the world.

187
00:12:19,483 --> 00:12:21,233
Good heavens, which one?

188
00:12:21,317 --> 00:12:26,400
The incredibly deadly viper.

189
00:12:27,817 --> 00:12:29,150
That's impossible.

190
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:31,942
The incredibly deadly viper
is one of the least dangerous

191
00:12:32,025 --> 00:12:34,358
and most friendly creatures
in the entire animal kingdom.

192
00:12:34,442 --> 00:12:37,858
Come now, Violet.
It's called the incredibly deadly viper.

193
00:12:37,942 --> 00:12:39,192
It's a misnomer.

194
00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:42,567
Uncle Monty named it that to scare his
colleagues at the Herpetological Society.

195
00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:46,317
He sounds highly unstable.
Not good guardian material.

196
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,900
He was a wonderful, caring person.

197
00:12:48,983 --> 00:12:51,692
And the incredibly deadly viper
wouldn't hurt anyone and we can prove it.

198
00:12:51,775 --> 00:12:55,108
How can you prove it
when you don't even know where it is?

199
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:58,275
Of course we know where it is.
It's... right...

200
00:12:58,358 --> 00:13:03,483
Hmm, fleeing the scene of a crime?
Highly suspicious.

201
00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:07,150
It's all falling into place.

202
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:10,442
Dr. Montgomery must have forgotten
to lock the cage properly,

203
00:13:10,525 --> 00:13:13,567
allowing the viper to slip out
and kill him.

204
00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:15,775
I suppose we'll never know
what Dr. Montgomery did

205
00:13:15,858 --> 00:13:18,358
to trigger the bloodlust
in its reptile brain.

206
00:13:18,442 --> 00:13:20,442
I myself know nothing about snakes.

207
00:13:20,525 --> 00:13:23,817
I only got here just recently
and scarcely have had time to learn.

208
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:27,233
But I hear the slimy creatures
can hold a grudge.

209
00:13:27,317 --> 00:13:29,608
That's the trouble with exotic pets.

210
00:13:29,692 --> 00:13:31,483
Maybe nature isn't meant to be tamed.

211
00:13:32,858 --> 00:13:34,358
What did you say your name was again?

212
00:13:34,983 --> 00:13:37,108
- I'm Doctor Lucafont.
- Nurse.

213
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,275
- Nurse Lucafont.
- Sorry, uh, what was that?

214
00:13:39,358 --> 00:13:40,733
I'm Nurse Lucafont.

215
00:13:40,817 --> 00:13:42,150
I can't understand you under your mask.

216
00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:44,567
I said I'm Nurse Lucafont.

217
00:13:45,317 --> 00:13:47,233
Mr. Poe, that's not a nurse at all.

218
00:13:47,317 --> 00:13:49,108
It's one
of Count Olaf's accomplices.

219
00:13:49,192 --> 00:13:51,692
You mean the hook-handed man who worked
as my temporary secretary

220
00:13:51,775 --> 00:13:53,192
and broke the typewriter?

221
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:55,192
- No.
- Well, I've never met any others.

222
00:13:55,275 --> 00:13:58,608
Besides, I'm sure Count Olaf
is hundreds of miles away.

223
00:13:58,692 --> 00:14:00,567
Or inches.

224
00:14:00,650 --> 00:14:02,733
Exactly. What was that?

225
00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:09,192
I mean, the incredibly deadly viper may be
inches away, ready to strike again.

226
00:14:09,275 --> 00:14:11,525
It's struck again.

227
00:14:14,775 --> 00:14:16,108
It's the screeching iguana clock.

228
00:14:16,192 --> 00:14:17,650
It struck again.

229
00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:22,317
Oh, will you look at the time?
Well, the <i>SS Prospero</i> departs at 5:00 p.m.

230
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,275
You better go upstairs, children,
and pack for your Peruvian adventure.

231
00:14:25,358 --> 00:14:27,400
Mr. Poe, we can't go with Stephano.

232
00:14:27,483 --> 00:14:30,067
We don't have the proper paperwork
you mentioned.

233
00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:32,567
She's right.
You do seem like a good person,

234
00:14:32,650 --> 00:14:34,525
but the childrens' adventures
abroad will have to wait.

235
00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:35,900
Come on, we really need to be going.

236
00:14:37,192 --> 00:14:38,608
You're not going anywhere.

237
00:14:38,692 --> 00:14:40,483
And why not?

238
00:14:40,567 --> 00:14:42,442
Because no one is leaving this house

239
00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:46,317
with a snake on the loose.
Right, nurse?

240
00:14:47,192 --> 00:14:48,650
Yeah. Absolutely.

241
00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:50,942
- But that's absurd.
- That's absurd?

242
00:14:51,025 --> 00:14:53,942
I'm already late for the bank
and I'm up for a very important promotion.

243
00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:55,192
The bank will have to wait.

244
00:14:55,275 --> 00:14:57,067
When your back was turned just now,

245
00:14:57,150 --> 00:15:02,067
Nurse Lucafont informed me that
this entire place is under lockdown.

246
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:05,858
- You mean...
- Yes! A quarantine!

247
00:15:06,858 --> 00:15:09,525
Your turn.

248
00:15:11,192 --> 00:15:13,150
What?

249
00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:24,233
A quarantine!

250
00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:32,692
How long is that going to take?

251
00:15:32,775 --> 00:15:35,275
Uh, the police.
It's in their hands now.

252
00:15:35,358 --> 00:15:37,108
Oh, that must be them.

253
00:15:37,858 --> 00:15:41,233
I must say, these are some impressive
response times for a house in the country.

254
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,442
Mobile Crime Lab.

255
00:15:45,192 --> 00:15:46,275
At your service.

256
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,733
- We always get our man.
- Or snake.

257
00:15:49,608 --> 00:15:52,525
- These are Count Olaf's accomplices.
- And they're all wearing costumes.

258
00:15:52,608 --> 00:15:53,900
No, children, these are adults.

259
00:15:53,983 --> 00:15:56,483
Adults don't wear costumes
unless it's for a charity ball,

260
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:58,150
or they happen to be employed as actors.

261
00:15:58,233 --> 00:16:00,317
They are employed as actors.

262
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,692
You two, create a perimeter.

263
00:16:01,775 --> 00:16:04,775
No one goes in or out of the house
until the reptile is caught.

264
00:16:04,858 --> 00:16:08,525
You two, get that body in the van and back
to the ME for some TLC before it's DOA.

265
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,400
But you said no one could leave the house.

266
00:16:13,358 --> 00:16:15,858
I meant, uh, no one except you.

267
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,067
Oh!

268
00:16:19,817 --> 00:16:22,983
Don't you recognize him?
That's the hook-handed man.

269
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:25,358
And those two women were
in Count Olaf's play.

270
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:28,108
Oh, children, it's rude to question
police authority.

271
00:16:28,192 --> 00:16:31,692
Besides, the women in that play had
ghastly theatrical makeup on their faces,

272
00:16:31,775 --> 00:16:35,275
and this man is opening a can of peaches
with hands, not hooks.

273
00:16:35,358 --> 00:16:37,775
That's Uncle Monty's food.
Stop eating his food.

274
00:16:37,858 --> 00:16:39,775
I was only gonna have a few peaches.

275
00:16:39,858 --> 00:16:43,608
The children lost their uncle today.
I'm sure you can understand.

276
00:16:43,692 --> 00:16:46,025
Violet, Klaus, Sunny,
why don't you wait upstairs.

277
00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:47,483
The adults will take care of it from here.

278
00:16:47,567 --> 00:16:48,858
But Mr. Poe...

279
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,942
The adults will take care of it from here.

280
00:16:52,025 --> 00:16:53,275
Come on, Klaus.

281
00:16:53,358 --> 00:16:56,275
The adults won't take care of anything.
But we will.

282
00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:07,150
Now, please, work quickly.
I need to get back to the bank.

283
00:17:26,942 --> 00:17:29,733
If you have ever been left out of
an important conversation due to your age,

284
00:17:29,817 --> 00:17:32,233
then you know how the Baudelaires felt
as they trudged up the stairs,

285
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:35,817
unable to participate in the conversation
that would determine their fate.

286
00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:38,733
So they decided to hold their own.

287
00:17:38,817 --> 00:17:41,817
We know the incredibly deadly viper
didn't kill Uncle Monty.

288
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:44,858
And we know that Count Olaf did.
Mr. Poe would never believe us.

289
00:17:44,942 --> 00:17:46,442
Not without evidence and proof.

290
00:17:46,525 --> 00:17:47,775
Nurse Lucafont may be a fake nurse,

291
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,608
but Uncle Monty had two bite marks
like a snake would make.

292
00:17:50,692 --> 00:17:51,817
I saw them this morning.

293
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,317
I saw the incredibly deadly viper
this morning, too.

294
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,400
It was in its cage.

295
00:17:55,483 --> 00:17:57,817
While we were at the parlor,
Count Olaf must have set it loose.

296
00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:58,900
Or worse.

297
00:18:00,692 --> 00:18:03,525
I'm sure it's okay, Sunny.
I know you two were close.

298
00:18:03,608 --> 00:18:04,942
If we could find the snake...

299
00:18:05,025 --> 00:18:06,483
If we could find out
how Monty really died...

300
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:09,358
- We could prove that it's innocent.
- And that Stephano is guilty.

301
00:18:09,442 --> 00:18:12,275
And Mr. Poe would have to have
Count Olaf arrested.

302
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:14,608
We wouldn't have to go to Peru.

303
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,150
If we'd found proof earlier,
maybe we could have saved Uncle Monty.

304
00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:20,525
If we put Count Olaf behind bars,

305
00:18:20,608 --> 00:18:22,900
we can still stop him
from harming anyone else.

306
00:18:22,983 --> 00:18:23,983
Including us.

307
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,650
Do you think you can get back inside
the Reptile Room?

308
00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:32,150
I think I might have a way.

309
00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:37,275
It is now necessary for me
to use the hackneyed phrase,

310
00:18:37,358 --> 00:18:39,192
"meanwhile back at the ranch."

311
00:18:39,275 --> 00:18:40,608
The word "hackneyed" here means

312
00:18:40,692 --> 00:18:43,775
"used by so many writers,
it is a tiresome cliche,"

313
00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:46,192
while "meanwhile back at the ranch"
is a phrase used to link

314
00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:48,775
what is going on
in one part of a story with another part,

315
00:18:48,858 --> 00:18:51,400
and has nothing to do with cows
or creamy salad dressing.

316
00:18:51,483 --> 00:18:53,317
When I say, "Meanwhile back at the ranch,"

317
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,692
what I mean is,
meanwhile, back in the Reptile Room,

318
00:18:56,775 --> 00:18:59,942
the adults were having
an adult conversation.

319
00:19:00,025 --> 00:19:03,192
If we place the peaches in a line
leading up to the cage,

320
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:06,358
perhaps the snake will follow the trail
and then we can trap it inside.

321
00:19:06,442 --> 00:19:08,233
- Do snakes eat peaches?
- Yes.

322
00:19:08,317 --> 00:19:09,983
Maybe we can use the baby.

323
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,942
Keep the banker distracted.

324
00:19:13,025 --> 00:19:15,067
Oh, you know,
these are so good for your skin.

325
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,567
- Are they?
- You wanna try?

326
00:19:16,650 --> 00:19:18,150
- No, thank you. No, really.
- Ah...

327
00:19:18,233 --> 00:19:21,775
- I don't... No. Oh, that's...
- Mmm. Mmm!

328
00:19:37,817 --> 00:19:40,983
Oh, orphans, our ship awaits.

329
00:19:43,608 --> 00:19:45,025
Orphans?

330
00:19:56,775 --> 00:20:00,525
<i>"Labyrinth" is a word which
means "maze full of secrets and danger,"</i>

331
00:20:00,608 --> 00:20:01,942
<i>and if you're in ancient Greece,</i>

332
00:20:02,025 --> 00:20:05,233
"a monster that is half bull
and extremely unpleasant."

333
00:20:05,317 --> 00:20:07,692
The hedge labyrinth
behind Dr. Montgomery's house

334
00:20:07,775 --> 00:20:09,483
didn't contain a monster.

335
00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:10,983
But as Klaus looked down at it,

336
00:20:11,067 --> 00:20:14,692
seeing the way the hedges snaked
to form a familiar sinister eye,

337
00:20:14,775 --> 00:20:17,900
<i>it seemed to contain
both secrets and danger.</i>

338
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,567
<i>Secrets their Uncle Monty
had promised to share...</i>

339
00:20:21,650 --> 00:20:24,483
and the danger of being
so high off the ground.

340
00:20:26,650 --> 00:20:28,275
The reptiles certainly seem...

341
00:20:28,358 --> 00:20:29,525
- Agitated.
- Annoyed.

342
00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:32,692
- Mmm. Maybe they're hungry.
- Maybe they're upset about the murder.

343
00:20:32,775 --> 00:20:35,025
Well, they're animals.
I hardly think they're aware of anything.

344
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,942
Did you say "murder"?

345
00:20:37,025 --> 00:20:39,817
- I meant accident.
- Ah, yes, well...

346
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,733
I'm certainly upset
about being late for the bank,

347
00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:45,442
so let's hurry this thing along.
Has anyone seen Stephano?

348
00:20:45,525 --> 00:20:48,108
Uh, he just went to make some coffee.

349
00:20:48,192 --> 00:20:49,817
Coffee. Oh, how considerate.

350
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:52,858
Dr. Montgomery insisted I drive out here
first thing in the morning.

351
00:20:52,942 --> 00:20:57,108
That was when he was alive, of course,
and I didn't have time for my morning cup.

352
00:20:57,942 --> 00:20:59,608
I know how you feel.

353
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:03,775
My boss made me come here right away.
I had to miss an important audition.

354
00:21:03,858 --> 00:21:05,192
Audition?

355
00:21:05,275 --> 00:21:08,400
I mean autopsy.
It's medical slang.

356
00:21:08,483 --> 00:21:11,692
- That seems strange.
- Oh, it's totally normal.

357
00:21:11,775 --> 00:21:14,233
We have lots of slang in the ol' med biz.

358
00:21:14,317 --> 00:21:16,525
That's slang for medical business.

359
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:21,067
We call doctors "doc,"
and dead bodies "corpses."

360
00:21:21,150 --> 00:21:22,608
Ah, I suppose...

361
00:21:22,692 --> 00:21:24,233
Even though Uncle Monty's body
had been removed,

362
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:27,983
the Reptile Room was not as inviting
to Klaus as it had been the day before.

363
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:31,983
What happens in a certain place
can stain your feelings for it,

364
00:21:32,067 --> 00:21:34,817
just as ink can stain
a white sheet of paper.

365
00:21:37,692 --> 00:21:40,650
You can never forget
what transpired in that place...

366
00:21:41,608 --> 00:21:44,025
<i>just as words in ink
can never be unwritten.</i>

367
00:21:44,108 --> 00:21:46,275
Oh, perhaps I should check
on the children.

368
00:21:46,358 --> 00:21:48,233
Look over there!

369
00:21:48,317 --> 00:21:50,108
Where?
What am I looking at?

370
00:21:53,275 --> 00:21:55,692
It's the incredibly deadly viper.

371
00:21:55,775 --> 00:21:57,067
In that cage? But it's locked.

372
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,442
Must've crawled inside.

373
00:21:58,525 --> 00:21:59,733
Locked the cage behind it.

374
00:21:59,817 --> 00:22:02,275
But a snake can't operate
a lock by itself.

375
00:22:02,358 --> 00:22:05,983
- Maybe a lizard helped it.
- That seems unlikely.

376
00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:09,067
Besides, that cage is clearly marked
"Virginian Wolfsnake."

377
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:12,150
I must say, I'm beginning to doubt
your qualifications.

378
00:22:12,233 --> 00:22:13,900
I'm totally a nurse.

379
00:22:13,983 --> 00:22:16,025
Well, it does say so on your pin.

380
00:22:21,233 --> 00:22:24,233
- What was that?
- That didn't sound like a snake.

381
00:22:24,317 --> 00:22:25,858
Exactly.

382
00:22:27,567 --> 00:22:30,067
That's just
the screeching iguana clock.

383
00:22:30,150 --> 00:22:32,150
It was not the screeching iguana clock.

384
00:22:42,733 --> 00:22:44,400
<i>To fully understand the ghastly scene</i>

385
00:22:44,483 --> 00:22:46,108
<i>the adults discovered in the parlor,</i>

386
00:22:46,192 --> 00:22:48,692
<i>it is useful to once again use the phrase
"meanwhile back at the ranch,"</i>

387
00:22:48,775 --> 00:22:51,275
<i>which in this case means "upstairs."</i>

388
00:22:55,317 --> 00:22:56,900
<i>And about six minutes earlier.</i>

389
00:23:06,067 --> 00:23:08,900
Oh, orphans, our ship awaits.

390
00:23:11,025 --> 00:23:12,233
Orphans?

391
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:24,233
<i>Years later,
Klaus Baudelaire would often lie in bed,</i>

392
00:23:24,317 --> 00:23:26,192
<i>filled with regret that he never yelled</i>

393
00:23:26,275 --> 00:23:28,983
<i>"That man is Count Olaf"
to his uncle at the movies,</i>

394
00:23:29,067 --> 00:23:31,358
<i>or over Chinese food,
or from under his canoe.</i>

395
00:23:31,442 --> 00:23:34,567
<i>And while I cannot say
that Violet slept any easier,</i>

396
00:23:34,650 --> 00:23:37,358
<i>she was luckier than her brother
in one respect.</i>

397
00:23:37,442 --> 00:23:42,108
She knew that the time to act was now.
And she would not regret it.

398
00:23:45,817 --> 00:23:48,358
You'll be comfortable here.
Do you think you can watch the door?

399
00:24:11,067 --> 00:24:13,233
Do you think you can help me out?

400
00:24:25,525 --> 00:24:26,733
Thanks, Sunny.

401
00:25:00,067 --> 00:25:01,317
Sunny?

402
00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:03,817
I'd say partly cloudy.

403
00:25:04,692 --> 00:25:07,150
I thought you were
supposed to be a nice girl.

404
00:25:07,233 --> 00:25:10,567
Nice girls aren't supposed to dig through
people's personal, private property.

405
00:25:10,650 --> 00:25:12,567
Especially when it's... Wasn't it locked?

406
00:25:12,650 --> 00:25:14,358
- It was.
- Oh, how clever.

407
00:25:14,442 --> 00:25:16,150
But I bet you're not clever enough
for this.

408
00:25:16,233 --> 00:25:18,608
I have four tickets with me
to Peru right now.

409
00:25:18,692 --> 00:25:20,317
I was going to take you and your siblings,

410
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,608
because that's just
the kind of guardian I am.

411
00:25:23,983 --> 00:25:26,775
But I'll settle for one of you.

412
00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:29,983
That's the screeching iguana clock.

413
00:25:30,608 --> 00:25:32,108
What is...

414
00:25:40,275 --> 00:25:42,192
Which brings us back to...

415
00:25:43,650 --> 00:25:44,942
Goodness, golly, good God,

416
00:25:45,025 --> 00:25:48,233
Mary and Joseph, Zeus and Hera,
Nathaniel Hawthorne!

417
00:25:50,108 --> 00:25:52,317
- Which snake is it?
- It's the incredibly deadly viper.

418
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,817
Don't touch her! Grab her!
Move closer! Run away!

419
00:25:54,900 --> 00:25:56,567
Kill the snake! Leave it alone!

420
00:25:56,650 --> 00:25:58,733
Give it some food! Don't let it bite her!

421
00:25:58,817 --> 00:26:02,942
It bit her!
It's bitten her! It bited her!

422
00:26:03,025 --> 00:26:05,525
Calm down! Get moving!
Call an ambulance!

423
00:26:05,608 --> 00:26:08,275
Call a scientist! Call my wife!

424
00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:09,817
This is ghastly!

425
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:13,192
This is phantasmagorical!

426
00:26:13,275 --> 00:26:16,317
You are police officers! Do something!

427
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,900
- It... it looks like the baby's playing.
- Mmm-hmm.

428
00:26:21,650 --> 00:26:23,275
With the incredibly deadly viper?

429
00:26:23,358 --> 00:26:27,025
From the expedition journal
of Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, April 24th.

430
00:26:27,108 --> 00:26:29,483
"The incredibly deadly viper
wouldn't hurt a fly.

431
00:26:29,567 --> 00:26:32,067
I know this because
I tried to feed it flies this morning.

432
00:26:32,150 --> 00:26:34,233
It is friendly and kind,
playful and smart,

433
00:26:34,317 --> 00:26:36,192
and if you can get past
your first impression,

434
00:26:36,275 --> 00:26:38,108
it can make a wonderful
addition to the family."

435
00:26:38,192 --> 00:26:40,650
And therefore,
it cannot have killed Uncle Monty.

436
00:26:40,733 --> 00:26:43,817
Well, I guess it does look
rather harmless.

437
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:45,650
That doesn't change anything.

438
00:26:45,733 --> 00:26:48,650
There are still plenty of deadly types
of snakes in that room

439
00:26:48,733 --> 00:26:49,608
that could have done it.

440
00:26:49,692 --> 00:26:51,900
The mamba du mal bites as it strangles.

441
00:26:51,983 --> 00:26:55,025
The irascible python
is homicidally grumpy.

442
00:26:55,108 --> 00:26:58,858
The Virginian wolfsnake can bludgeon you
to death with a typewriter.

443
00:26:58,942 --> 00:27:00,525
How do you know?

444
00:27:00,608 --> 00:27:02,817
Because I read up on all types of snakes

445
00:27:02,900 --> 00:27:06,733
in the library section
of the Reptile Room.

446
00:27:06,817 --> 00:27:09,858
- Psst, boss.
- Don't interrupt me while I'm talking.

447
00:27:09,942 --> 00:27:15,483
If I may say so myself,
I am quite the expert on the snakes.

448
00:27:16,650 --> 00:27:19,442
What does it say?

449
00:27:19,525 --> 00:27:21,983
She said, "Ah-ha!"
because she's figured something out.

450
00:27:22,067 --> 00:27:23,775
I myself know nothing about snakes.

451
00:27:23,858 --> 00:27:25,942
You said you didn't know
anything about snakes.

452
00:27:26,025 --> 00:27:28,275
I... That is...

453
00:27:28,358 --> 00:27:31,525
That's right.
Stephano, explain...

454
00:27:38,192 --> 00:27:39,858
- We need a plan.
- Should we kill him?

455
00:27:39,942 --> 00:27:42,067
He is coughing a lot.
Let's see if he dies of natural causes.

456
00:27:42,150 --> 00:27:44,983
Mmm.

457
00:27:46,692 --> 00:27:48,108
Explain yourself.

458
00:27:48,192 --> 00:27:52,233
The reason that I said
I did not know anything about the snakes,

459
00:27:52,317 --> 00:27:54,692
is because I was being modest.

460
00:27:54,775 --> 00:27:55,858
You weren't being modest.

461
00:27:55,942 --> 00:27:57,983
You haven't been modest
a day in your life. You were lying.

462
00:27:58,067 --> 00:27:59,567
Klaus, you can't speak
to an adult that way.

463
00:27:59,650 --> 00:28:00,983
And he's lying now.

464
00:28:01,067 --> 00:28:03,442
He's a liar and a murderer
and he killed Uncle Monty.

465
00:28:03,525 --> 00:28:06,275
You have no proof.

466
00:28:07,567 --> 00:28:08,567
Yes, we do.

467
00:28:11,025 --> 00:28:12,108
What is all this?

468
00:28:12,192 --> 00:28:14,608
Evidence, which I found
in Stephano's suitcase.

469
00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:15,942
She picked the lock.

470
00:28:16,025 --> 00:28:18,025
- Violet, is that true?
- It was an emergency.

471
00:28:18,108 --> 00:28:20,025
Nice girls shouldn't know
how to do that sort of thing.

472
00:28:20,108 --> 00:28:21,108
That's what I said.

473
00:28:21,192 --> 00:28:24,483
My sister is a nice girl... and she knows
how to do all sorts of things.

474
00:28:24,567 --> 00:28:26,400
We'll discuss this later.
Please continue.

475
00:28:26,483 --> 00:28:29,608
When Uncle Monty died,
we were immediately suspicious.

476
00:28:29,692 --> 00:28:33,025
We were positive
that Stephano killed Uncle Monty.

477
00:28:33,108 --> 00:28:35,442
But there were bite marks on his cheek
clearly from a snake.

478
00:28:35,525 --> 00:28:36,817
That stumped me, too.

479
00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:38,900
That's why I decided
to search Stephano's suitcase.

480
00:28:38,983 --> 00:28:41,442
I knew he wouldn't want to leave
any evidence behind.

481
00:28:41,525 --> 00:28:43,358
And that's when I found these.

482
00:28:43,442 --> 00:28:47,025
But that's nothing.
It's my random junk collection,

483
00:28:47,108 --> 00:28:49,900
which is private property,
illegally obtained,

484
00:28:49,983 --> 00:28:51,650
and therefore not admissible in court.

485
00:28:51,733 --> 00:28:54,942
It does look like junk.
But that's when I noticed this.

486
00:28:55,025 --> 00:28:58,775
Uncle Monty told us that he keeps
venom samples in his cabinet

487
00:28:58,858 --> 00:29:01,400
from every venomous snake known to man.

488
00:29:01,483 --> 00:29:03,775
- And woman.
- And woman.

489
00:29:03,858 --> 00:29:06,692
Mr. Poe, I believe if you open
that cabinet right there,

490
00:29:06,775 --> 00:29:09,233
you'll find a sample is missing.

491
00:29:10,150 --> 00:29:11,817
There's an empty spot on the shelf.

492
00:29:11,900 --> 00:29:14,608
The label says "Mamba du Mal."

493
00:29:14,692 --> 00:29:18,025
"The mamba du mal is one of
the deadliest snakes in the hemisphere,

494
00:29:18,108 --> 00:29:19,692
known for its powerful venom."

495
00:29:21,358 --> 00:29:22,483
Then it's obvious.

496
00:29:22,567 --> 00:29:26,817
The mamba du mal got out of its cage,
stole a vial of its own venom,

497
00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:29,192
and murdered Dr. Montgomery
in cold blood.

498
00:29:29,275 --> 00:29:30,192
Ah-ha!

499
00:29:30,983 --> 00:29:32,317
Wait, that's ridiculous.

500
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:35,483
- But the bite marks...
- Aren't bite marks at all.

501
00:29:35,567 --> 00:29:38,233
When I first saw these items,
I wasn't sure how they fit together.

502
00:29:38,317 --> 00:29:41,400
So, I concentrated on each item
as if they were parts of a machine.

503
00:29:41,483 --> 00:29:44,025
And that's when I realized
they fit together.

504
00:29:44,108 --> 00:29:47,900
Ladies and gentlemen, the murder weapon.

505
00:29:49,067 --> 00:29:50,108
- Incredible!
- Astounding!

506
00:29:50,192 --> 00:29:54,108
Stephano used this double-barrel syringe
to inject the venom into Uncle Monty,

507
00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:58,025
to simulate the double puncture marks
of a snake.

508
00:29:58,108 --> 00:30:00,817
Then he disassembled it
to hide the evidence.

509
00:30:00,900 --> 00:30:02,400
But I loved Dr. Montgomery.

510
00:30:02,483 --> 00:30:04,400
What motive would I possibly have
to murder him?

511
00:30:04,483 --> 00:30:06,483
He's after the Baudelaire fortune.

512
00:30:06,567 --> 00:30:08,650
How would Stephano even know
about the Baudelaire fortune?

513
00:30:08,733 --> 00:30:10,983
I thought they were penniless orphans.

514
00:30:11,067 --> 00:30:13,192
They certainly dress
like penniless orphans.

515
00:30:13,275 --> 00:30:16,192
That's because everything we owned
burned up in a fire.

516
00:30:16,775 --> 00:30:18,858
But you already know about that...

517
00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:22,025
because you're not Stephano,
you're Count Olaf.

518
00:30:23,442 --> 00:30:27,192
The kid detective thing is cute,
but we have already dismissed that theory.

519
00:30:27,275 --> 00:30:28,775
We'll see about that.

520
00:30:30,108 --> 00:30:32,400
Your left ankle, sir.

521
00:30:32,483 --> 00:30:34,150
Don't come near me with that thing.

522
00:30:34,233 --> 00:30:36,400
You've been coughing germs
into it all day.

523
00:30:36,483 --> 00:30:38,275
Oh, if you're really
who the children say you are,

524
00:30:38,358 --> 00:30:40,067
then germs are the least of your problem.

525
00:30:40,150 --> 00:30:43,692
Your left ankle... please.

526
00:30:46,775 --> 00:30:48,442
If you insist.

527
00:31:19,108 --> 00:31:22,525
For the first time in my life,
I'm happy to see that awful tattoo.

528
00:31:27,317 --> 00:31:28,567
Bravo, children.

529
00:31:29,650 --> 00:31:32,942
Yes, I admit it. I killed Monty.

530
00:31:33,025 --> 00:31:37,525
I also killed his assistant, Gustav.
I drowned him in the reflecting pond.

531
00:31:37,608 --> 00:31:41,692
The question is...
what are you going to do about it?

532
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:45,983
I'm going to send you to jail
for a very long time.

533
00:31:46,067 --> 00:31:48,025
Officers, arrest this man!

534
00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:53,025
No, office... Officers.

535
00:31:53,108 --> 00:31:54,525
Oh, you're all in on it, aren't you?

536
00:31:55,275 --> 00:31:57,067
Oh. Oh, dear.

537
00:31:57,150 --> 00:31:59,567
If this were a piece of filmed
entertainment for small children

538
00:31:59,650 --> 00:32:01,942
you would know what happens next.

539
00:32:02,025 --> 00:32:04,358
With the villain's identity
and evil plan exposed,

540
00:32:04,442 --> 00:32:05,733
the police would arrive on the scene

541
00:32:05,817 --> 00:32:07,358
and place him in jail
for the rest of his life.

542
00:32:07,442 --> 00:32:09,442
The plucky youngsters
would go out for pizza.

543
00:32:09,525 --> 00:32:13,525
But I can tell you that's as likely
as Dr. Montgomery returning to life.

544
00:32:13,608 --> 00:32:16,317
Still, while Dr. Montgomery
may be dead...

545
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:20,108
If you don't mind,
I'll be taking the children with me.

546
00:32:20,192 --> 00:32:22,358
<i>the reptiles in his collection...</i>

547
00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:25,108
<i>were very much alive.</i>

548
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:27,567
Oh.

549
00:32:27,650 --> 00:32:29,983
Boss.

550
00:32:31,067 --> 00:32:33,733
That's just the screeching iguana clock.

551
00:32:33,817 --> 00:32:36,275
It's not the screeching iguana clock.

552
00:32:36,358 --> 00:32:37,942
It's the screeching iguana!

553
00:32:51,525 --> 00:32:53,317
Take the van.
Make sure they follow you.

554
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,192
- But where are you going, boss?
- International waters.

555
00:33:04,525 --> 00:33:06,442
Count Olaf is driving away.

556
00:33:06,525 --> 00:33:08,942
No, he's not.
He's heading into the labyrinth.

557
00:33:11,567 --> 00:33:13,483
I suppose there wasn't room in the van.

558
00:33:13,567 --> 00:33:14,942
What are you waiting for?
Go after him!

559
00:33:15,025 --> 00:33:17,692
This is a job for the police.

560
00:33:17,775 --> 00:33:19,567
I'll go call them. I'm sure they'll...

561
00:33:20,192 --> 00:33:21,942
set up a roadblock, or something.

562
00:33:22,817 --> 00:33:24,358
He's not getting away.

563
00:33:28,608 --> 00:33:29,692
Go right.

564
00:33:56,567 --> 00:33:58,317
You go that way. We can cut him off.

565
00:34:17,317 --> 00:34:18,317
It's a dead end.

566
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,567
That's impossible.
We can retrace our steps.

567
00:34:21,650 --> 00:34:24,775
What's the point? It's all wrong.

568
00:34:24,858 --> 00:34:26,733
Count Olaf escaped.
Uncle Monty is dead.

569
00:34:26,817 --> 00:34:29,400
We never got to go to Peru or say goodbye.

570
00:34:29,483 --> 00:34:31,483
Or ask him about this.

571
00:34:31,567 --> 00:34:33,192
Klaus, what is that?

572
00:34:33,275 --> 00:34:34,942
It's Uncle Monty's handwriting.

573
00:34:35,025 --> 00:34:36,942
He must have copied it down
during the movie.

574
00:34:37,025 --> 00:34:38,233
We were right next to him.

575
00:34:38,317 --> 00:34:39,942
If he got a message,
we would've seen it.

576
00:34:40,025 --> 00:34:41,733
Not if he had some secret way
to receive it.

577
00:34:41,817 --> 00:34:45,650
Do you remember that strange object
I found in the fire? I think it's...

578
00:34:45,733 --> 00:34:46,983
It's gone.

579
00:34:47,067 --> 00:34:49,483
I'll be taking the children with me.

580
00:34:51,317 --> 00:34:52,442
Count Olaf.

581
00:35:07,067 --> 00:35:09,150
A good labyrinth is full of secrets.

582
00:35:09,233 --> 00:35:11,775
- Who are you?
- Why are you dressed as a statue?

583
00:35:11,858 --> 00:35:14,025
Both excellent questions, Baudelaires.

584
00:35:14,108 --> 00:35:15,817
You're that actress
from the weird zombie movie.

585
00:35:15,900 --> 00:35:17,192
You work for Mr. Poe.

586
00:35:17,275 --> 00:35:18,733
It's more of a volunteer position.

587
00:35:18,817 --> 00:35:21,150
I'm sorry I arrived too late
to help your uncle.

588
00:35:21,233 --> 00:35:23,233
But I can still bring Count Olaf
to justice.

589
00:35:23,317 --> 00:35:25,150
Uncle Monty
had a spyglass like that.

590
00:35:25,233 --> 00:35:27,650
What was he trying to tell us?
What's in Peru?

591
00:35:27,733 --> 00:35:29,192
Forget Peru. It's been compromised.

592
00:35:29,275 --> 00:35:32,775
Who sent him the message?
Who were we supposed to meet there?

593
00:35:32,858 --> 00:35:34,525
I know you children have
a great many questions,

594
00:35:34,608 --> 00:35:36,858
and I promise there are
a great many answers.

595
00:35:36,942 --> 00:35:40,275
Find your Aunt Josephine.
She's a fierce and formidable woman.

596
00:35:40,358 --> 00:35:43,067
She can keep you safe
and tell you everything you need to know.

597
00:35:43,150 --> 00:35:44,608
Let me handle Count Olaf.

598
00:35:45,275 --> 00:35:49,317
Count Olaf stole something from me.
I think it's part of a spyglass.

599
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:50,775
It certainly is.

600
00:35:50,858 --> 00:35:54,358
I will get it back to you,
Klaus Baudelaire. I promise.

601
00:36:14,983 --> 00:36:16,025
Who are you?

602
00:36:16,108 --> 00:36:18,233
What are they doing
with Uncle Monty's reptiles?

603
00:36:18,317 --> 00:36:20,983
After I called the police,
I rang up the Herpetological Society.

604
00:36:21,067 --> 00:36:23,942
They kindly offered to retrieve
Dr. Montgomery's reptiles.

605
00:36:24,025 --> 00:36:25,317
"Retrieve" means "take away."

606
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:27,567
We know what retrieve means.
Where are they taking them?

607
00:36:27,650 --> 00:36:30,192
Well, they're orphans now.
So they'll be moving on to other homes

608
00:36:30,275 --> 00:36:32,942
where their guardians hopefully
won't die on them like Dr. Montgomery.

609
00:36:33,025 --> 00:36:34,442
Can we at least say goodbye?

610
00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:35,692
After what you've been through,

611
00:36:35,775 --> 00:36:38,567
I'd think you'd never want to see
a reptile again.

612
00:36:38,650 --> 00:36:40,733
Besides, I have to take you
to your next guardian.

613
00:36:40,817 --> 00:36:43,067
- No!
- No! We know where we're going.

614
00:36:43,150 --> 00:36:47,358
I know where you're going, too.
And I'm the adult so I get to decide.

615
00:36:47,442 --> 00:36:49,650
- We're going to our Aunt Josephine.
- To your Aunt Josephine.

616
00:36:50,567 --> 00:36:51,900
She's next on the list.

617
00:37:09,317 --> 00:37:12,525
Mr. Poe, what can you tell us
about your secretary?

618
00:37:12,608 --> 00:37:13,733
Oh, terrible disappointment.

619
00:37:13,817 --> 00:37:16,025
He turned out to be working
for Count Olaf. Surely you remember.

620
00:37:16,108 --> 00:37:19,900
- No, your other secretary.
- Who? Oh, Jacquelyn.

621
00:37:19,983 --> 00:37:23,817
Excellent typist. Unfortunate habit
of disappearing for days at a time.

622
00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:26,025
I don't make it a habit of socializing
with employees,

623
00:37:26,108 --> 00:37:27,733
so that's really all I know.

624
00:37:28,442 --> 00:37:31,442
Other than the fact that she came
highly recommended by your parents.

625
00:38:16,233 --> 00:38:18,067
Telegram for a Mr. Count Olaf?

626
00:38:18,150 --> 00:38:20,650
It's just Count Olaf.

627
00:38:20,733 --> 00:38:23,025
Count is my honorific.

628
00:38:23,108 --> 00:38:27,233
Calling me "Mr." is not only redundant,
it's an insult to my station.

629
00:38:27,317 --> 00:38:28,442
Who...

630
00:38:29,233 --> 00:38:33,067
Well, we meet again.
You might want to ease up on the bronzer.

631
00:38:33,150 --> 00:38:35,608
I hope you don't think
you're going to Peru.

632
00:38:36,942 --> 00:38:38,400
Yessica Haircut.

633
00:38:38,483 --> 00:38:40,817
I find it helpful to leave the country
now and then.

634
00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:44,692
See some ruins, wait for the manhunt
to die down, eat some cuy.

635
00:38:44,775 --> 00:38:48,567
You won't be eating any cuy,
unless it's served in a prison cafeteria.

636
00:38:48,650 --> 00:38:50,525
Why would I be eating
in a prison cafeteria?

637
00:38:50,608 --> 00:38:51,942
Because I'm taking you to prison.

638
00:38:52,025 --> 00:38:53,900
Well, good luck with that. I'm armed.

639
00:38:53,983 --> 00:38:55,692
Hmm. So am I.

640
00:38:55,775 --> 00:38:59,442
- Hmm. Child's play.
- Adorable.

641
00:39:00,775 --> 00:39:02,942
Is that a harpoon gun?

642
00:39:03,025 --> 00:39:04,442
You'd never use it.

643
00:39:04,525 --> 00:39:07,150
One of your great gifts
is your eminent compassion.

644
00:39:07,233 --> 00:39:09,025
You wouldn't squash a spider.

645
00:39:09,108 --> 00:39:11,317
I like spiders.

646
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,650
Well, that's good, because there's one
on your shoulder right now.

647
00:39:13,733 --> 00:39:14,858
I'm not falling for that.

648
00:39:14,942 --> 00:39:16,525
No, no, I'm serious.
It's on your left shoulder.

649
00:39:16,608 --> 00:39:19,192
It's one of the bigger ones.
I wanna say tarantula? Ugh.

650
00:39:25,817 --> 00:39:29,192
You're not going anywhere, you snake.

651
00:39:29,275 --> 00:39:33,650
You're forgetting, my dear Jacquelyn,
snakes shed their skin.

652
00:39:47,817 --> 00:39:50,650
<i>There are times
when the entire world seems wrong.</i>

653
00:39:51,150 --> 00:39:54,692
The way a reptile room
without any reptiles...

654
00:39:56,275 --> 00:39:57,733
seems wrong.

655
00:40:02,525 --> 00:40:06,650
The way a bookshelf without any books
seems wrong.

656
00:40:08,942 --> 00:40:10,650
Or a loved one's house...

657
00:40:11,650 --> 00:40:13,067
without the loved one.

658
00:40:13,858 --> 00:40:16,567
<i>The Baudelaires weren't given much time
with their Uncle Monty,</i>

659
00:40:16,650 --> 00:40:18,233
<i>which seemed wrong.</i>

660
00:40:18,317 --> 00:40:19,983
<i>Still, for the first time in a long time,</i>

661
00:40:20,067 --> 00:40:23,025
<i>they'd found a place
where the world seemed right,</i>

662
00:40:23,108 --> 00:40:25,067
<i>if only for a short time.</i>

663
00:40:26,900 --> 00:40:30,900
If they'd found that once,
who's to say they couldn't find it again?

664
00:40:52,692 --> 00:40:54,983
- He's not answering.
- Sure you've got the right number?

665
00:40:55,067 --> 00:40:57,108
Operator, can you check
that number again, please?

666
00:40:57,192 --> 00:40:58,650
It's quite urgent.

667
00:40:58,733 --> 00:41:02,150
Yes. Thank you. First name, Montgomery.
Last name, Montgomery.

668
00:41:02,233 --> 00:41:04,525
No, this isn't a crank call.

669
00:41:13,525 --> 00:41:15,525
Can I put you on hold for a moment?

670
00:41:22,483 --> 00:41:25,608
Which of you gentlemen knows
where we might charter a plane?